Blessed Beyond Measure

"You said, ask and you will recieve, whatever you need.
You said pray and I'll hear from heaven, and I'll heal your land."

Today was probably one of the best days that I have had in a long time. In all aspects. I woke up to my father-figure sending me a text of our daily verse. I had coffee with Shelley, and it reminded me how much she blesses me, and how much I truly have missed having someone who shares their heart with me, and then points me to God when I share mine. She dropped me off for work and I worked and really just felt at peace there. I left to have dinner with Sam and Clayton, and those two have always challenged my thoughts. When Sam left, Clayton and I talked for hours just about our lives and hearts for the nations. Also, all day people who bless me beyond their comprehension continued to send me texts of how they loved me and wanted to spend time with me. I wrote all that, to write that I know that I am always blessed but there seem to be times when I need to be reminded that it hits me, and I have to pull onto the sholder in an empty Denny's parking lot, and just worship the Lord for his continued faithfulness in my life and how today was one of the best "bonus" days I have had for a long time. I have been stretched to grow and learn this break in aspects of my life that I couldn't imagine sitting in Bolivar before break. I am ready to go back, but not for the reasons you could probably guess.

"Ask and I'll give the nations to you, Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see you're light, as it rises on us."

I want to be a sign post. Like Mark talked about two weeks ago. Ones that only point to God, because that is why they were created. But I fear, that many days I only point to myself. That's been a convicting thought, of my intentions. I want to touch lives of kids in Guatemala, but I'm scared that's just my selfish ambition. I've been praying for discernment lately. I'm working on completely trusting the Lord with EVERYTHING. All thoughts, feelings, and actions. I am finding how much I don't actually trust God with my life. Its almost like I gave over big things to him but continue to hold on to what I consider small and insignificant choices; yet those seem to fill my days a lot more than life changing choices. So am I trusting? Or is it those million small insignificant choices that I continually make that really are shaping the big things? So where do I start? This has been a month of questioning things I thought to be certain. I haven't really talked to people about these thoughts, because I'm pretty sure I know the answers and I have come to realize how much I run to people with thoughts and I need to run to the Lord.

"I cannot do this anymore, to many things beyond my control. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't, please don't allow me to fail again. And what am I supposed to do when I don't feel you? My life is already such a mess how can I be used? And all my comforts leave me stripped and bare, I feel the world can't help but stop, and stare. When am I gonna stop, relying on myself, to quit these foolish ways, to look for someone else. When am I gonna realize it's not about me, I can't do this alone, 'cause I am oh so weak. 'Cause it takes much more than I have, to fight for every truth, to get out of these lies, and go out seeking You."-(www.myspace.com/jesserbeck)

that was written by an amazingly talented girl at my school, and this month my reflections have echoed this sweet girls words. I hate using things that aren't mine, but this girl nailed it!

"We live by faith, not by sight"- 2 Corinthians 5:7