5 months!

Dear Addelaynie,

This month mommy had to go to keeping a list of your monthly milestones because you were becoming far to interesting for me to keep track of! So, this is the list mommy came up with that you did this month: 1.You like to squawk and talk all the time, we have taken many videos of how much you love to talk to us and your toys, you don't stop and like to squeal when we go out to eat. 2. You reach for objects. Your favorite thing to touch is people's faces. You reach out and smile at them when you have both hands squarely on their cheeks.

3. Cereal. You eat cereal every night, the first couple weeks it was hard for you to get used to the spoon, but now every night you get so excited when you see the cereal come out. You are so wanting to try other foods but we still have a little bit of time left, even though that hasn't stopped you from trying to steal bites of food here and there.

4. Sitting up by yourself. You think you are such a big kid in this, and you are getting very good at it!

5. Letting other people hold you. You are starting to love playing with other people and enjoying having their full attention.

6. Pink eye :( The little girl that mommy watches every Tuesday and Thursday gave mommy and you pink eye. It was a rough couple days, but you felt better after some medicine and extra snuggles from mommy.

7. Pool time! Over spring break mommy and you got some good time together and one day we got bored so we decided to try the pool. You weren't a huge fan, but you were a great sport about trying it. The water was a little chilly so maybe when you can regulate your body temperature and it gets a little warmer you will love the pool as much as your bath time!

8. You love your toys. You constantly are reaching into your toy bag on the couch and pulling out new toys to play with. You have a lot of infant toys and you love all of them in turn but you are definitely making your preferences known for certain toys!

9. We went to Walker's first birthday party and you got to play with the kids and you loved feeling like a big kid and being included. We also Angela Salinas' little girl Camille who is 10 days older than you. We are very thankful for both of these kiddos moms in your mommy's life.

10. You continue to want to be put down awake for both your nap and bed time, but you will not go to sleep without your blanket and your raffy.

11. This month you and daddy have become quite the pair. You talk to him and laugh at him and spend your mornings bonding. He loves his time with his little girl and you continue to find ways to steal his heart.

12. You love your feet. You play with them all the time and it is pretty cute to watch you explore. :)

We love you so much little girl, you are getting so big and you are still the light of our life. We can't believe how quickly you are growing up and asserting your independence, but we love watching you grow and change and can't wait to see what you will do next!

Love,

Mom and Dad

Realizations of the imperfect person I am

So tonight in the bathtub, Addelaynie and I were going through our normal routine, she was playing with the wash cloth and her ducks I was watching her splash and answering my husbands text messages (when he works we often try and text throughout the day so he doesn't miss everything she does) tonight we were talking about how well she had eaten her rice cereal just before bath. Addelaynie started to kind of fuss and whine and I continued messaging, telling her "Hold on, mommy will be done in a second," when it hit me:

I want my daughter to know that the life we had without her pales greatly in comparison to the life we have with her; but was I really treating her that way, and living out the things I tell her every night before bed? Was that text message so important that I had to answer it right away, or could I have continued to play with her in the bathtub and waited until she was taken care of and content before answering? Wouldn't my husband understand better than her that when he is gone and I'm home alone, I'm trying to live up the promise we made each other to raise our children in a way that we can be proud of later?

But more importantly, I began to wonder, just how many times a day I push Addelaynie aside and continue to do what I want to do because I want to do it? (Now, I'm not saying never make her wait, and always be waiting on her hand and foot but, I understand the importance of teaching children patience and that sometimes other things need to be tended to first) What I'm talking about here is how often am I cooking and could be interacting with her while cooking but choose to let her fuss because it's faster if I'm not interrupted? How often am I interrupting our play time to tend to the fact that my phone buzzed? How often am I surfing the internet, or messing around on the computer while she fusses on my lap? How often do I get annoyed with her when she makes me stop what I was doing to tend to the fact that she dropped her pacifier, again...and again...and again...?

There are legitimate times that she has to fuss and be patient with mommy. When it's just the two of us and the dogs need to potty, she has to be put down for a minute and let me take them out. When I have a big assignment due (and I have used my time wisely after she goes to bed, or during her morning nap) and that still isn't enough to finish it, some of my day will have to be taken up by that. [but let's be honest here, how often have I actually been a good steward of my time? Fewer than many may think!]

I realized every time I push her aside to continue what I want to do, selfishly, I am failing to live up to what I tell her when I lay her down at night "We love you, and are thankful for you, and life with you is a million times more joyful, and blessed than it was without you." I am failing to show her in my everyday actions that I really mean that, that her dad really means that. In fact I'm showing her the opposite: that life without her was just as good if not better, because I didn't have anyone interrupting my plans. Why have I failed to really cherish my daughter the way I want to in everyday situations? Why has it taken me almost 5 months to realize this? and what would our life look like if I stepped up as her mom and proved to her that she was my first priority? How much more would my daughter grow up being sure of her worth and value if we actually took the time to show it to her?

And so tonight, I have realized and have been saddened over the choices I have made to many times the past 4 months. Tonight I pray that the Father would continue to show me how to parent Addelaynie in a way that is glorifying to Him and teaches her that mommy and daddy value her and will be there for her when she needs! Tonight, I hope to go to sleep exhausted, and drained; and wake up with the realization that it is a new day and He has made all things new. That I am blessed enough to try again and have a 2nd chance to be the mother my daughter deserves. Tonight I can have hope that even though I am not proud of the way things were, I can change and I can work on being better. Tonight I can feel the Lord's freedom, and isn't that what He is wanting us all to learn? Tonight, as I look at the example of the perfect Father, I know that I will never be that, but I can at least follow in His footsteps of renewal.

And the growing continues...

Addelaynie,

You are now 4 months old and the strides you've made this month are incredible! Mommy started having to keep a list in her phone of all the milestones you reach each month. Between 3 and 4 months, your major milestones include:

1. Recognizing mommy's face when you see her, but you are also starting to recognize faces you see consistently. These would be people like daddy, auntie Kim, your nursery teachers, Gentry ( who we play with twice a week). If you are fussing and you see a face you recognize you stop crying and talk to whoever it is. You really don't like to be left alone or when someone turns their back to you.

2. You laugh so much more. It is one of your daddy and your mommy's favorite sounds; and it makes us feel very special when we can get a giggle out of you.

3. Your eyesight has improved so much that you can see across a room and watch mommy cook from your high chair. you love being involved in whatever is going on!

4. We got some of your plastic toys out because you are starting to want to play. Your attention span is still short, but you love playing with toys and love it even more when mommy and daddy play toys with you. Interaction is your favorite thing by far.

5. You've gotten so used to mommy putting you down slightly awake and then putting your puppies in their kennels that you actually prefer to go to sleep like this. You have a favorite blanket (that your grandma gave you for Christmas) and a favorite stuffed giraffe (that Adriane and Tara gave you in the hospital). You will not sleep without them, or travel anywhere without them. When you are tired you insist on having them in your hands. Kodi tore your blanket apart one night, but mommy spent the whole night sewing it up for you (you slept across her lap with blanket tightly wrapped in your fists).

6. You don't mind your carseat now. It's not your favorite, but you have realized you have toys on the handle so you quietly play or rub your blanket on your face while we drive.

Mostly, you like to cuddle still, but you are getting more interactive. You are such a sweet baby, and your nursery teachers always talk about how sweet and happy you are (this makes mommy feel better about leaving you for so long on Sundays) You don't like it when mommy has to do homework because that means you aren't the center of her world. But you still love Veggie tales so you deal with it while mommy works, only if your veggies are on.

You are very sensitive to other people crying or if someone yells. You often get sad if we yell at the puppies. It is very sweet.

You're fun and sweet and we are so proud of you for all that you do. We can't wait to see you grow up and how you choose to interact with the world!
We love you sweet girl!
Dad and Mom