So, I'm home for the summer....after an awesome semester. I learned so much about truth and love, community and forgiveness, trust and dependence on Christ. I really enjoy being home, and seeing people that have impacted my life so much, I love my job (as always: smiles), but part of me is missing. I miss BoMo, and the community I have grown so close to. There are always tons of people and my Hannah is there with me always.
I hate this torn feeling, about not knowing which community I really belong to, because I love them both. When I'm at school I miss my church and job, but when I'm home I just miss the people so much. Mel and I were talking a couple nights ago about how we felt like nomads, traveling between two homes.
I do know that I will make it through this summer, with a ton of help from the people I love, and complete reliance on Christ. But, 5 days into it, I can already tell its going to be tough, I'm just hoping I get back into the groove of things and that that will distract me.
God has continued to be faithful in answering my prayer for God to break my heart for what breaks His, and has shown that through breaking my heart for a girl here. I don't know how to explain our relationship, I'm definately not her mentor, but like a couple other girls, they just call me their big sister... but everytime we hang out, I make sure and share the truths I am learning...
I still marvel over the fact that I learn a lesson, but then look back on past sermons I've heard and realize they were saying the exact thing I learned, and then I wonder why it didn't click then, and how much easier I would have been if it had...but I'm confident that, this is all just part of God's perfect timing...and seeing Him more clearly.
I love God's humor sometimes, the things you convince yourself that would never happen, that end up happening, and could only have done so through God...I'm getting more secure in realizing that's how He teaches me a lot.
"Now, the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lords glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." -2 Corinthians 3:17-18
I am confident this passage that has stuck out to me the past 3 days as I read through 2 Corinthians is going to teach me something awesome!
"Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
May Your Wonders Never Cease, May Your Spirit Never Leave, May We Ever Long to Seek Your Face...
The past two weeks God has been rocking my life with truths... I came to post so many times but every time I felt like I was missing a major part of the story.
But I can't contain myself any longer, whether I know the whole story or if you will fill it in for me.
Essentially I've learned a lot. Lets start at the beginning:
I pulled an all nighter with 3 friends in Springfield (on 4/30/09), just because they wanted me to join. So I spent the night journaling and processing stuff. My prayer began on this night, in a many page monologue that I won't daunt you with. But, the prayer has continued ever since and it is "teach me what life would be like if you broke my heart for what breaks Yours." I can't believe how quickly God answered this prayer...pause: I sometimes wonder if He answered my prayer so quickly just to add some humor in his life almost like God was saying "now do you really want this?"...play: the first place I began to notice the changing of my heart was when I visited a church two sundays ago (5/3/09). It was a really small place, 60 people total, however they were all people I had never met before in my entire life (this becomes important later) and most people know how much I love strangers... :/ I was just there because a friend had asked me to join her. So, the service started and the pastor was talking about storms, he then proceeded to have the invitation that if any one was going through a storm to go to the front and be prayed over. I was suprised at how quickly and how many people then walked to the front of the room and began to weep. I sat there kind of at odds of what to do, and how to react. However, the more I watched the body of Christ in this form, the more I felt my heart break and tears come to my eyes. I was about to cry over people who I didn't know. The thought still amazes me.
The next day, I was going to have a talk with my RD, and I was getting ready to walk down to her apartment when I found myself start panicking...I sat down on the floor and just began praying outloud for God to calm my heart and give me words to say. Almost instantly I felt myself calm down...I was again amazed.
The next few days I met with friends at least one a day, reconciling relationships, appologizing for wrongs I had done, laughing a ton over silly things, and just spending time with people. It was really good and encouraging. I spent the weekend (post tornado that is) just camping and enjoying time in nature and with a simpler life-style...
I've been reading Pilgrim's Progress again... and it's probably my favorite book. The first time I read it, it was deep and I really liked it. But the past few times, I've seen SO many deeper points he was making, and it's just an amazing piece of literature.
"Who's this? The Pilgrim. How! 'Tis very true
Old things are pass'd away; all's become new.
Strange! He's another man, upon my word;
They be fine feathers, that make a fine bird."
"Chr. Nay, but do thou come with me, neighbour Pliable; there are such things to be had which I spoke of, and many more Glories besides; if you believe not me, read here in this Book, and for the truth of what is express'd therein, behold all is confirmed by the Blood of him that made it."
I have just continually been overwhelmed with God's presence in my life lately... It's ridiculous. I suppose that because I'm choosing to feel His pain, I am being shown His joy. I just have loved walking around and enjoying seeing God in everyone. 'The best place to see God's heart is in someone else.' I see Him working, and even if I miss it in the moments, looking back now its impossible to miss.
I'm extremely thankful for all of it. The ups and downs all seem worth it looking back knowing that without a doubt, God was there in all of it!
Psalm 5:3
"I see Your face, in EVERY sunrise, the colors of the morning are inside Your eyes, the World awakens in the light of the day, I look up to the sky and say Your Beautiful!
But I can't contain myself any longer, whether I know the whole story or if you will fill it in for me.
Essentially I've learned a lot. Lets start at the beginning:
I pulled an all nighter with 3 friends in Springfield (on 4/30/09), just because they wanted me to join. So I spent the night journaling and processing stuff. My prayer began on this night, in a many page monologue that I won't daunt you with. But, the prayer has continued ever since and it is "teach me what life would be like if you broke my heart for what breaks Yours." I can't believe how quickly God answered this prayer...pause: I sometimes wonder if He answered my prayer so quickly just to add some humor in his life almost like God was saying "now do you really want this?"...play: the first place I began to notice the changing of my heart was when I visited a church two sundays ago (5/3/09). It was a really small place, 60 people total, however they were all people I had never met before in my entire life (this becomes important later) and most people know how much I love strangers... :/ I was just there because a friend had asked me to join her. So, the service started and the pastor was talking about storms, he then proceeded to have the invitation that if any one was going through a storm to go to the front and be prayed over. I was suprised at how quickly and how many people then walked to the front of the room and began to weep. I sat there kind of at odds of what to do, and how to react. However, the more I watched the body of Christ in this form, the more I felt my heart break and tears come to my eyes. I was about to cry over people who I didn't know. The thought still amazes me.
The next day, I was going to have a talk with my RD, and I was getting ready to walk down to her apartment when I found myself start panicking...I sat down on the floor and just began praying outloud for God to calm my heart and give me words to say. Almost instantly I felt myself calm down...I was again amazed.
The next few days I met with friends at least one a day, reconciling relationships, appologizing for wrongs I had done, laughing a ton over silly things, and just spending time with people. It was really good and encouraging. I spent the weekend (post tornado that is) just camping and enjoying time in nature and with a simpler life-style...
I've been reading Pilgrim's Progress again... and it's probably my favorite book. The first time I read it, it was deep and I really liked it. But the past few times, I've seen SO many deeper points he was making, and it's just an amazing piece of literature.
"Who's this? The Pilgrim. How! 'Tis very true
Old things are pass'd away; all's become new.
Strange! He's another man, upon my word;
They be fine feathers, that make a fine bird."
"Chr. Nay, but do thou come with me, neighbour Pliable; there are such things to be had which I spoke of, and many more Glories besides; if you believe not me, read here in this Book, and for the truth of what is express'd therein, behold all is confirmed by the Blood of him that made it."
I have just continually been overwhelmed with God's presence in my life lately... It's ridiculous. I suppose that because I'm choosing to feel His pain, I am being shown His joy. I just have loved walking around and enjoying seeing God in everyone. 'The best place to see God's heart is in someone else.' I see Him working, and even if I miss it in the moments, looking back now its impossible to miss.
I'm extremely thankful for all of it. The ups and downs all seem worth it looking back knowing that without a doubt, God was there in all of it!
Psalm 5:3
"I see Your face, in EVERY sunrise, the colors of the morning are inside Your eyes, the World awakens in the light of the day, I look up to the sky and say Your Beautiful!
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