At most things, we are a great team but there are a few things that we struggle to make it through. I feel like that is just a process of learning the best way for our personalities to work together. Life with Murray is good, but not at all what I would have described if I was to say what my expectations are. We are still working on a lot of the character traits that the Lord asks us to change and adjust to better reflect His gospel to the world. This process has been a difficult one, because I am selfish, and resist change as much as possible; and honestly, I have found it really hard in a lot of moments to have grace with Murray and recognize that when he slips up and fails at being a loving leader because I feel like I am changing so much and my pride wells up and tells myself that if I had been in his shoes I would have done better. A lot of times I react in anger, and fail to encourage and support him in recognizing we are in this process together and he will learn and grow.
I love working at B.U.M. kids (a mothers day out program). I spend 4 days a week playing with kids aged one to three. It is the highlight of my week, building a relationship with these kids and teaching them numbers and stories from the bible. It is such a collection of kids, and in the midst of the beautiful chaos of seven two year olds running around a small room, my soul finds peace. I am in my element and doing what I know my life's calling is. There isn't a day when a kid doesn't make me laugh or teach me a character about Christ that I need to work on. It's a great time.
I just took a position at the church we attend now as the intern director of the nursery. I was concerned about the time commitment, but after finishing the lesson plans for the next 3 months I think that this position will be a good thing. I will enjoy getting to know the hearts of my teachers and leading them as they teach these children about the Lord. After working with such an amazing team at Fellowship, I don't take this responsibility lightly, and recognize that Murray and I are now considered church leadership and because of our age and this new status our relationship will be under a lot of scrutiny and this is just forcing us even more to rely on the Lord and not try to work to please all of the congregation.
Murray is working at Creator design and he has enjoyed providing a lot. I respect him a lot because most days he comes home covered in ink and he has one of the messiest jobs, but he never complains and tries to focus on joy instead.
The Lord is really working in our life and I believe it is the first of a great movement in both Murray and I's lives. I was convicted of how selfish I am and how much I plan my own lives, and don't seek the Lord's will. Murray has been awesome in this time encouraging me and taking my hand and reminding me that no matter the outcome it is his job to be there first and foremost, and that I should be ok confiding in him. It's moments like that one that we had tonight that makes it hard for me to believe how blessed I am, and how ridiculous it is that I continuously focus on the things I want in life instead. I really feel the eminence of the Lord breaking me in this area very soon. Within a couple weeks would be my guess if I had to put a time frame on it, but I also feel the Lord showing me this area and giving me peace that the entire time I am broken, I will be in His hands and as He puts me back together, He alone will build me back together to be a better wife and better reflection of Him.
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